*4 Extra Buns

*Rebel with a Cause

Hey,
I have this problem which needs to be resolved through your great wisdom. I cannot understand why hot dog packages have eight hot dogs in them and the hot dog buns have twelve buns in them. Time after time I have to throw away those four extra buns. Please advise me on what I can do. Thanks.
Sincerely,4 Extra Buns

Dear 4 Extra buns,
This is a big problem I have also been facing for a long time. I really don't know what the hell Oscar Meyer and Mrs. Bairds are thinking. But I am not falling into their little trap! I have a few ideas for you that I have used:

1. Feed the extra buns to some ducks. They love that stuff!
2. Break the rules! Don't use buns, use bread.
3. Freeze the extra buns and use them for another occasion.
4. Let the buns get moldy then send them back to the producer asking for your money back.

Don't try to understand corporate manipulative brain washing schemes. Just fight back!

Dear Dr. Joe,
I have a teenage rebellion problem. Yes, I admit it. My mom will not get off my back. I want to stay out all night to get high, smoke cigarettes, and talk with my friends. We are not doing anything dangerous to ourselves or others. I am so sick of my mom bitching and moaning about how she can't sleep at night because she is worried about my safety.
What can I do to have my freedom? I love my Mom but she is just smothering me!- Rebel with a Cause in Suburbia

Dear Rebel with a Cause in Suburbia,
F*ck the establishment. Who the hell does your mom think she is? As a teenager your responsibility is to get f*cked up, get a MIP, become a slave to the tobacco companies, and piss off your parents.
On the other hand, it would be nice to have a good relationship with your parents. Your Mom really does care. Maybe you can work out a deal to stretch your curfew. As my mom always said, "what can you do after midnight that you can't do before midnight. Nothing good happens after twelve p.m.!!" Try to explain to her you simply want to hang out with your friends. Give her a number you can be reached at and stay at that one place. Be sympathetic. You might even have to sacrifice, your Mom has spent at least 13 years of her life taking care of your sorry ungrateful ass.